He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
