My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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