I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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