Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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