I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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