U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
