i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was CRYING into my vagina
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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