It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
