What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
