In the future we'll all be gay
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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