help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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