quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
