i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
