I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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