I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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