Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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