i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
