giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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