Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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