I'm jealous of your bromance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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