Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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