sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
