dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
