He kissed a someone with a penis
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
