i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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