She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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