I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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