Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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