So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
