hotel room ftw
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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