i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
