if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize