I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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