a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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