If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
