You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
where does the pee come out of this thing
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
