is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
