I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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