every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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