if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
