I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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