Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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