i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
