just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
