mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize