I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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