Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
