at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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