I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
