she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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