when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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