Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
