If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
