IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just gift wrapped bread.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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