I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
