I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
only you would photoshop your dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
