your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize