found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
