"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
