You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
