how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
