i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize