So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
