That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
