I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
