we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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