My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
