As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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