Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
