i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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