butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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