he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pants are for mortals
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
