I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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