I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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