Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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