I faked an abortion last night.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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