Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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