I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
