I hope mine doesn't look like that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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