it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
