I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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