I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
