walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
