did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need water and some morals
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
