Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
