Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
