I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
