Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
