8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
