My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
not ubering you a puppy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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