video games are the ultimate cock blocker
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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