were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
